When it says wives are to submit to their husbands, Paul is addressing the wives, not the husbands. This should never be construed by a husband to use as a means of controlling his wife.  It should also not be construed by the wife to mean, I will submit to him if he is a great guy, but I don’t have to if he’s not. 

Likewise, when it says husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church, wives are not to take this as a whip to berate their husbands or to get them to do for them what they want.  Nor is the husband to take this to mean, love your wife, if she is doing everything you want her to do, but you don’t have to love her if she doesn’t meet your standard. 

And when it says children are to obey and honor their parents, parents should not use these injunctions to manipulate or control their children into doing what they want or becoming what they want them to be.  Nor should children try squeezing out of these responsibilities because they don’t think their parents are worthy of honor and obedience.  Children should not blame their parents for their own lack of desire to learn and experience God’s will for them. 

We all are responsible to God for what He requires of us, and will have to give an accounting to God.  These instructions are given for each member of the family to take responsibility for their own lives and to genuinely seek to do what will enrich the lives of others in their family.